Teen Copes With Divorce
I have a teenager who is and has been in a lot of trouble. I seem to go out of my way for him and he continues to do disruptive/destructive things that result in_I'm basically losing my life. EVERYTHING! I don't want to give up on him but now I don't know what to do. He tried living with his Dad but got into so much trouble his father has thrown him away. He has been told by his father and aunt that I don't want him.
Now I'm at the end of my rope. He does nothing for me, to help me, to respect me, to make sure I have some happiness. But he is always wanting me to be sure he has his happiness. I've taken him out of his regular school district and placed him in one that is still a good district, but not with all of the other juvenile delinquents. I have to get up early and drive him there every day. I could put him in the schools where I live, but there are some pretty rough kids that go there.
I also don't know if I still have my home here with my boyfriend. He told me last night that it's time for me and my kid to go. My point to all of this is he's pushing me away, he knows how to push my buttons, he doesn't care who he hurts, he says he does the things he's not supposed to do because he wants to do them (with no regard to the consequences). He is lazy, but he want the world from me and now I'm about to the point of not even being able to give him anything. I have no job, I'm losing my house to foreclosure, my other son is still with his dad and he wants to come home, social services wont' let him so now I feel I've lost my other son, we go to counseling that just started, I have many fines, attorney fees, court dates, meetings, and still I'm trying to save my house, get my son back, try to save my other son, save my relationship, and not to mention be happy. I don't know what to do. I'm tired!!! I'm tired of going out of my way, changing my life, and bargaining with this ungrateful kid. He's driving me to hate him, but I love him so much I hate to watch him destroy himself and take my other son (and boyfriend) down with him. CASA, Social Services, Guardian-ad-lid an, attorneys, police, judges, counselors, and everything I can't seem to save my life. Also the cost of all this!!! I'm running out of money and time. What do I do? Where do I turn? I don't have anyone to speak of. I'm afraid to contact any of the people above that they may take my chances of getting my baby back. I didn't want them to go to their dad to begin with and now I'm afraid I'm not going to get them back. Where did he go? Who is this kid? What do I do? I'm about to lose me next then what do I have to offer any of them? Please help me.
No parent can do everything for their child or children! Mom and Dad have to be in charge, even if they are divorced. You need a lot of help, and it is available through parent support groups and agencies. You have to trust one specific agency in your community. Do your research by visiting several places that help troubled kids. Your child needs outside help and he needs it immediately. He is not acting like a teenager who trusts anyone. He feels like his life is entirely in his own hands. He can't take that pressure and he is "acting out."
Of course you are afraid, but your son needs mental health services, as well as educational support. He needs a mental health agency that can help you get back in charge of his personality and behavior. He is also afraid, even if he lashes out and hurts your feelings. He is your responsibility and you need to tell his father you and he are both going to have to go to a mental health agency and work it out so your son feels supported.
Of course you are tired, but you can't give the teenager what he wants because he will always try to get more. Don't wait another day. Visit all the mental health services in your area and use the school to help you identify what they feel are your son's biggest strengths as well as weaknesses. Get the school counselors involved and thank them for helping you and your ex-husband. Show the school you are cooperating, even if your son does not. Model good behavior in front of your son. Be a good role model. Set rules that are very simple and get him on a schedule. Let professionals in mental health help you solve these serious problems and help you to cope.
I hope all this information gives you the courage to start right now to get help. Never give up on your son. He is looking for help, too, but he doesn't have the maturity to get what he needs. You have that maturity. You can do it!
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