My Nine Year Old Lies
My daughter is 9 and she lies constantly. She will lie about the smallest things, mostly about school because she gets lazy when it comes to homework, and to study. How do we get her to be truthful and study better?
Children between the ages of 5-7 are changing in the way they think, and one of the advancements in abstract thinking has to do with realizing that they have done bad things and feeling very shame-faced. They need excuses an explanations which make them feel better, and not afraid of punishment. They already feel guilty and need face-saving actions and words to get them out of trouble. They keep doing that even if a parent says, "You will get in less trouble if you tell the truth, that if you lie". They don't understand or believe that, so they keep up their version of the truth. When children get to be 9-10, they have the habit of lying, even over dumb things. So try asking the child to retell that story or rewind the tape, or start over again and tell what happened another way. In other words, you as a parent want as version of the truth that is really the truth. This technique helps a child save face, get the facts straight, and allows you to set down non-threatening consequences that do not severely punish the child. Children tell the truth when they fell safe and secure. They can only break a bad lying habit if they fell confident you will understand and have reasonable consequences. Be reasonable, but insist on a retelling of the evetn or situation. Be firm about that. Do not accept the lies. Help your child "break the habit".
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