Working Parents and Bonding With Infants
- Do parents who work have more difficulty establishing a close bond with their infant?
No, if they take several months to focus on the newborn, to watch minute by minute changes and realize this little person is someone they have totally fallen in love with! It is so important to take time to just stare at, watch, hold, swaddle, and be amazed. The newborn states of being are so much fun to get in “touch” with literally! - Are fears that an infant will bond more deeply with a caregiver than a parent founded?
Yes and no.
Yes - Infants view people as objects - one central caregiver is best but lots of contacts are great. Even infants are competent and smart and feel attached to those who care for them. They respond to people and “skin” hunger just like “food” hunger and that’s survival and that is good.
No - because they become attached to the central people in their home life, since home is where their primary learning takes place - their nurturing, their genetic and physical experiences - who they are - personality emerging. No other significant persons play those roles except moms and dads or both. Six-week olds select, pick/prefer a parental face over a caregiver face - a caregiver/parent face over a picture or design
- What can parents do to increase the bond with their infant/child and 'reconnect' with them when they get home from work? How can infant massage play a role in 'reconnecting' and strengthening or maintaining a close parent-child relationship when a parent works?
Massage is a restful or a wake up call satisfying skin hunger, it is self-regulatory promoting body organization and feelings associated with touch and sight.
It is a simultaneous, multi-sensory activity so it stimulates nerve and cell development and builds dendrite density. Massage doesn’t have to be a protocol activity. It can be as simple as singing “ride, ride, ride the bicycle” as you move an infants legs while changing a diaper. It can be very soothing to crying babies to just cross her/his arms over his chest and rock or sway or swaddle. It can be vigorous, as some parents engage in more energetic vestibular play, using the infant’s natural reflexes like stepping or parachuting.
Massage strengthens the infant’s ability to soothe and comfort himself, self-regulation is a huge achievement for a 2-3 month old, but that’s the optimal age range for this.
- Do you have any special suggestions for dad's?
Mom and Dad need to “talk” about their individual “handling” style with babies.
- Is there anything else that you would like to add on the topic that was not covered above?
Topic is very important to prevent harsh handling and maltreatment of infants for more on the topic search right here on our website!
Susan H. Turben, Ph.D.
Should you have any question, please Ask Dr. Susan for your free parenting advice.