Family Stories - Jones
Jennifer – 19 years old
Michael – 14 months old
Al – 25 years old, not married to Jennifer, her boyfriend
Jennifer tells her story: I know you’re going to think that Michael’s problems are all my fault. You see, Michael is what they call a “crack baby.” I was using throughout the time I was pregnant with him. I even went into the hospital to get off the stuff, but as soon as I was out, Al and my friends showed up and I was using again. I can’t stay away from the stuff. It’s just about all I think about. Sometimes I forget to feed Michael or take him to childcare because I’m so busy thinking about getting some crack.
Crack is the best high in the world. I never knew people could feel that great. Like, when I’m using I don’t worry about Michael or the future. I think I can handle anything, like nothing can hurt me. When I haven’t used for a while, I get so depressed. Like nothing interests me.
I just found out I’m pregnant again, so I’m not using. I don’t want to do this to another baby. I hope I can stay clean, at least until the baby’s born. At the hospital they told me Michael was born addicted. The doctor said I had to have used a few days before he was born. I said I hadn’t used in a while, but that’s a lie. I used the night before I went into labor. I think that’s why he came so early.
Michael has always been funny looking and he used to have tremors. He cried all the time and wouldn’t stop. He didn’t sleep good. His sleep is still strange. He won’t take naps and doesn’t sleep all night. He didn’t like to be held close or rocked. I left the hospital before he did, and I didn’t go back to see him until he was ready to be discharged. It was tough getting a ride into the city, but the truth is I didn’t want to see him like that. It bothered me so much. I know his problems are all my fault.
The hospital’s social services people came to see me, three of them, thinking that they would keep an eye on me. They made sure I got hooked up with the hospital’s Early Start program, and some nurse-type and a mother came to the house to talk to me about how to take care of Michael. They are still coming! I wish I didn’t have to have these people in my house trying to help me, but I guess that’s what happens when you mess up your kid. At first I thought they would take Michael away, but these people seem to think that if I stick with the program, that won’t happen.
Michael’s real hard to take care of. He cries a lot, and his cry is still funny sounding. He doesn’t talk, he’s hard to feed, he won’t hold a spoon or drink from a cup, and he doesn’t walk yet. He’s still like a little baby. Sometimes I think he hates me. Every time I pick him up to love him, he fights and screams. I wonder if he knows what I did to him. I look at him and I just want to get high again so I can forget, but inside me, I have a tight feeling, a bond with him that feels good.
I got pregnant again after having Michael, because of Al. I love the jerk, and I show him this by having sex. Sex is very important to Al. If I didn’t do it with him all the time, then he’d leave. I don’t know where I’d be without him.
Al helps buy me things for the baby and he pays some of the bills when I run out of money. That ADC check doesn’t go too far and I always need money for stuff. People in the day care center say that I may be able to get vouchers and there is a Birthright office near me. My rent is taken care of. Sometimes welfare gives me transportation money for my check-ups when I can’t take the bus. Taking Michael on the bus with me is a real hassle, but I’m trying to get him to day care everyday, and get good prenatal care.
Al’s pretty good with Michael. He doesn’t yell at him or hit him or anything. Sometimes he gets rough with me though, but like, what should I expect? Michael is Al’s son, but Al doesn’t live with us. He said he would pay child support, if he could find a steady job that pays good, but Al changes jobs all the time. So I’m on public assistance. I get a food stamp card, WIC coupons, and the doctor bills are taken care of.
Infant Toddler Teacher: In many ways Jennifer is a good mother. She keeps a very clean apartment, and has been very good lately about making sure she has the right foods in the house for him, and for her. She hasn’t been using, so she is better at remembering appointments and getting to her doctor appointments and the nutritionist’s clinic at the hospital where the Early Start program is. Jennifer exhausts herself trying to take care of him. I know she wants to use crack again, but every time she sees Michael she thinks twice about it. I hope this is a powerful enough deterrent for her.
Michael is definitely making progress at our childcare center. He plays peek-a-boo and seems very much attached to all the staff. He still cries a lot, and he’s not a cuddlier. It shows in Jennifer’s eyes how hurt she is when Michael stiffens up and doesn’t cuddle into her arms. Michael will be walking fairly soon. He’s pulling himself up, but he also stands on tippy toes most of the time. Michael will feed himself crackers, cookies, even a slice of apple, but has difficulty holding onto a spoon. He doesn’t like soft, gooey foods. He’s small for his age and needs more nutrition than he’s getting, but he is growing. He hates wearing clothes. Dressing him here at the center is a real chore because he arches back, goes stiff, and screams.
A real worry for us and the Early Start people is Jennifer’s past drug use and her ongoing relationship with Al. Al does not participate in Michael’s care at all but he does help her out with money. If he’s over when they make a home visit, he just goes into another room. He hasn’t spoken with me once. Al is still using, and I wonder if Jennifer can maintain herself with him in the picture. He’s also violent, I suspect. He hasn’t hurt Michael, to my knowledge, but I’ve seen bruises on Jennifer.
Jennifer’s goals, as she sees them: Jennifer is trying to stay away from drugs but isn’t sure she can. She knows she needs financial assistance from Human Services and to decrease her dependence on Al. Jennifer also wants Early Start specialists, whom she considers “outsiders,” to help her develop her capacity to take care of her son without excessive outside interference. Jennifer wants to be a good mother, but she feels that she is judged negatively by professionals because of her addiction to cocaine. She is willing to put up with it because she knows she must take care of her children.
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Free Parenting Videos by Dr. Susan Turben
Order one or both of Dr. Susan Turben's Free Parenting Videos today. Available on DVD and VHS.
Read video transcripts and preview audio and video files.