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Family Stories - Elliott

Mother: Mary, age 34
Children: Mickey, age 18years, April, age 11, Jesse, age 9, Christopher, age 5, Gene, age 36 months, Emily, age 24 months

In this story, you will find these topics discussed: adolescent behavior, Appalachian family culture, autism, child rearing, family focused assessment, physical health impairments, parenting style, speech delays, and unemployment.

Mary tells her story: People think we're crazy having six kids, especially since they all have special needs. The three youngest ones have speech delays, and are a handful. They are good in school, but fight like crazy at home. The boys bite each other and leave bruises on each other. We've had Department of Human Services out here so many times the neighbors think they are relatives. Neither of the little ones are potty trained. At home, Christopher still has accidents. Gene and Emily take their diapers off, just to test me, but they stay dry at school, even when they are wearing diapers.

Gene is very hard to understand, but he is smart and is starting to read signs. He had problems at birth. The doctors said he had a stroke. They didn't tell me he might have learning problems. It wasn't until he had a real high fever when he was 18 months old that the doctors let me know that his not talking might be because of the stroke. Gene did just about everything else on time. He loves school, and doesn't mind leaving me.

Emily is the baby and she doesn't like to go anywhere without us, even for a minute. She just started in a toddler Early Intervention program and screams her head off, until an hour or so after I leave her off at the door. The Early Intervention teachers like the kids, and they say it's normal if Emily doesn't want to leave me -- they told me that.

Mickey, my oldest, has real bad behavior problems. He is angry all the time. I wasn't married when I had Mickey, so some people don't realize that he's not Rick's kid. The two of them fight a lot. Mickey's even taken a swing at Rick a few times. I get tired of calling the police. I'm so glad Mickey just had his 18th birthday last week, so maybe he'll move out. He needs a lot of help, but we can't get him into a place where he could live away from us.

April and Jesse are okay. They both saw a neurologist a year ago, and he said they were okay. They go to a counselor every week at school -- one of those after school programs, which is fine with Rick and me. I just wish April and Jesse would be nicer to the little ones. They hit and really hurt Chris. They leave the baby alone, so far, but it's just a matter of time. I can't watch them all the time, and neither can Rick. He's too busy collecting junk and fixing it to sell, which is how we survive -- that and disability checks and food vouchers. You should see our refrigerator at the end of the month -- empty!

Since the kids are hard to handle, we never go anywhere without them. No one would babysit; it's too hard to control everyone. We did have a home health aide -- actually two came together. The one told us to take down the kids' artwork and other pictures we had hanging on the walls, because it wasn't good for autistic kids to have all that stuff hanging around. We were shocked, because she was so nasty and we never heard any clinic doctor talk about autistic. They just talk like their father, we thought.

Anyway, that health aide called Department of Human Services on us, because we didn't have enough beds. Chris was four, and still in the crib, because he'd wake up during the night and wake the others, so we stuck him in the crib. The caseworker came right out, for the hundredth time, and she got upset because there were three potty chairs in the house. Well, we only have one bathroom and eight people -- what would she suggest?

The early intervention teachers say Gene, not Chris, is autistic. We don't think so. He likes people, and learns quickly. He does flap his hands some if he's excited. We taught him, by just shaking our heads, to stop doing this. He tries to talk and some people understand him. Gene's speech therapist is trying to get him a communication device that he can keep with him. Sometimes she borrows one and lets him bring it home.

Rick and I try to be good parents for our kids and do the best we can. We're happy at the progress that the younger ones are making in school. Chris may be able to get into the local school kindergarten next year. I wish he'd had Early Intervention like Gene and Emily. He might be able to control his temper and be a helpful and caring boy, but look at what he sees and learns around the house! Mickey gets everyone riled up. Jesse and April fight so much that sometimes I think that it would be better to call my mother-in-law and have her send us money to move back down to Kentucky.

Rick: Those Department of Human Services people think that we are dumb hillbillies. Well, I'm from Kentucky, but Mary is from Connecticut. I have been out of work for a few years. I've had some problems and can't work. I try to do what I can for my kids. I wonder sometimes if the little ones have their speech problems because of me. People say I am very hard to understand. I never had any speech therapy or anything.

I'm pretty good at fixing things. I sometimes buy TV's at yard sales and fix them. All the kids have a TV in their room. I like to do things with the kids. I just wish Mickey would get the help he needs, so he didn't make it so hard on the others. Why can't the people who are constantly coming here, those professionals, do anything to help him? He gets older and he just gets worse.

I'd love to have more kids, but Mary thinks we have enough. Her health isn't too good. It would probably be hard on her. She has asthma, arthritis, and bad knees. She was born with ribs and some organs in her chest all messed up. We are different with our kids than most folks around here -- we let them kind of raise themselves. We are always there for them, though. We do need help with them, that's for sure.

Early Intervention Specialist: Rick and Mary try very hard to give the kids what they need. They help in the classroom once or twice a month, and they try to follow up at home. I notice lately that Rick has been taking them to the library, which really impressed me. Mary tries not to let her asthma interfere with the kids too much, but I think she hides a lot of her physical ailments because she's afraid that we all think they are not as good as other parents.

I think that things get confusing at their home. The Elliotts need a lot of parenting classes and "coaching," because they don't really understand that their kids depend on them to be in charge. Kids don't learn very well if they don't have limits.

Gene, for example, is very curious and anxious to learn new things, but he doesn't know how to follow directions intended to keep him safe. He just darts around and shows no ability to stay calm and in control. I'm sure it's partly due to his severe language delay. Too bad Gene couldn't get a communication device before now -- maybe he wouldn't be so frustrated. He gets aggressive and angry when the other children or teachers don't understand him. He likes using Miss Roberta's Talk-Along computer that talks to him. Gene likes to sit with one of his classmates who uses a wheel chair. They have become fast friends because Gene gets to push her and she lets him have a turn sitting in it when she is at her standing table.

I work with Gene to improve language, social behavior, and thinking skills. He is beginning to think it is fun to dress up in play clothes, be a fireman, and pretend to take mom to the hospital. I guess he has seen her taken to the hospital for her asthma many times. He likes stories and movies, too. He hates lunch, except for macaroni and cheese. I've talked to both Mary and Rick about cooking more than one thing at a time, so the kids will get used to different foods and be more accepting of food. It seems like Gene and Emily are difficult eaters because they lack experience with food, if that makes any sense.

Mary has asked me directly to tell her if the children are autistic, but I can't make that decision and they don't need to know the diagnosis, as much as they need to know how to take charge of their household. They need more help with their older children and that should be their priority.

The Elliott Family goals, as they see them:

The Elliott family feels they are unable to solve their biggest problem--the challenging behavior of Mary's 18 year-old son. They want health services and a safe environment for themselves and their youngest children who have severe language impairments. Mary and Rick have strong feelings about raising their children, as they were raised in Appalachia. They feel that professionals do not understand their "ways". They would like to feel accepted and would be eager to accept help on that basis.