The Drug Problem...
When a teenager is using drugs, most parents are reluctant to face it. "There are a lot of small crises that parents don't want to see as symptomatic of a drug problem-the slamming doors, the petty shoplifting, the school troubles:' says "Barbara," the CEO of a major New York City advertising firm. "But if they knew what was coming later, believe me, they'd act early." For her, the big crisis came when her seventh-grade son was thrown out of school for selling drugs.
Whether you suspect experimentation or more serious drug use, sticking your head in the sand is a bad idea, says Mitchell S. Rosenthal, M.D., president of Phoenix House Foundation, the nation's largest private, nonprofit substance-abuse service organization. "Parents need to take a stand," says the child psychiatrist and author of Drugs, Parents and Children: The Three- Way Connection (Houghton Miflhin, 1972). "Any drug that alters consciousness is toxic to a young person's growth, development and maturation?'
Studies show that warning your children about drugs early and often is the best prevention. Remember that children are being offered drugs at ever earlier ages, and that even older children need-and want-parental guidance and authority. "The pressures on well-to-do kids are in some ways even harder:' says Barbara. "They have more choices, and drugs are everywhere. It's nonsense to think you can flee the problem."
Make sure you know your child well. Drug use often arises out of internal vulnerability. "Kids who are troubled about themselves-slow learners, self-doubters--are at greater risk:' Dr. Rosenthal says. Also, assess what is happening in your family. Life changes such as marital strain or breakup, job loss or a move to a new home or school can dramatically increase your child's vulnerability to drugs. Remember, too, that kids often encounter drugs in and around school. Your child's teachers may be the first to spot signs of trouble, so you should keep in touch with them. In part, it was discouragement with the growing challenges of sixth-grade schoolwork that first led Barbara's son to try drugs. (Since graduating from a Phoenix House program, he is now drug-free.)
"If you suspect a substance-abuse problem:' says Dr. Rosenthal, "don't be afraid to be very direct. Say, 'I'm really worried that drugs have become a part of your life. Can you tell me how you see it?' Asked in that way, the question won't appear too tough or judgmental. if your kid says, 'Why should you worry?' you can present evidence of a problem. If you're really not sure whether your child is into drugs, you can ask your physician to do a drug test. And if you're stonewalled or troubled by continued problem behavior, then it's time for a professional consultation. Reach out to a substance-abuse specialist or agency in your community" A specialist can make recommendations as to how to intervene and what kind of treatment your child needs. Most communities have drug counseling, after-school programs and schools whose curriculum includes rehabilitation. Very severe problems may require live-in treatment. "The rule of thumb," says Dr. Rosenthal, "is that you have to seek help that is going to result in your youngster becoming drug-free. You don't want the kid going to therapy and still using drugs." And be prepared to get personally involved. "We won't accept a child into treatment unless the parents participate," he says. "We've never seen an adolescent drug problem in which there weren't significant issues that needed to be resolved between the parent and child. That's true even with the most loving parents."
by Marc Wortman
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