Dealing with a Difficult Child
Many teaching adults find themselves spending much of their time dealing with the problems created by one or two difficult children. Following is the story of how we handled one such situation in the High/Scope Preschool. While every problem child is unique, our experience suggests a general process for teams facing similar problems.
Joshua (name is fictitious) was 3 1/2 when entered our program. We soon noticed that when he could not have exactly what he wanted, he would react violently: biting, kicking, screaming swear words, throwing things and occasionally making a mad dash out of our classroom space. These outbursts which occurred once or twice each morning, were severe and disruptive that it often took 10-45 minutes of a staff member's time to calm Joshua down.
Here are some strategies the team developed for dealing with Joshua:
We took turns being the adult who stopped the problem behaviors when they occurred - spreading this difficult task around helped us to be more patient. Even though we wanted Joshua to develop inner controls, usually it was necessary to physically supply the control that Joshua lacked. For example, we would separate Joshua from the person being bitten or the object being thrown. As we held him, we would calmly and patiently explain why we could not let him do what he was doing, labeling the feelings that we thought were behind his behavior. In restraining Joshua, we tried to avoid sending mixed messages. For example, if the adult spoke in a calm voice but her body was tense as she held him, Joshua might not feel that she was confident that he could control his behavior.
We made an effort to spend time with Joshua during his calmer moments, playing next to him or describing his behavior and the positive reactions he was getting from other children. "when you built together with Sally today, the house you made was big enough to fit three people inside."
We recorded our observations of Joshua daily. We looked for patterns-were factors such as diet, time of day, or schedule changes aggravating his outbursts?
We used the daily routine as a vehicle for helping Joshua control his behavior. If he refused to do something that the group was doing (such as clean up - we could remind him of the many choices that would be possible at other times."It's time for your clean up and get your jacket on, but when we get outside, you can decide what you want to play with then"
We looked for ways for Joshua to take responsibility for his behavior. For example, if he pulled the arms off a doll, we helped him find a way to repair it before he chose another activity.
We involved Joshua's parents. This was very difficult. His parents felt criticized when we reported on Joshua's problem behaviors, even though we also tried to balance these reports with some positive comments. After a number of calls and meetings, however, they came to realize that we were not passing judgment on them. They began to support, both by continuing our management strategies at home and by telling us about outside stresses that might be affecting Joshua's behavior in preschool.
As a team, we talked about and set limits (for example, "we'll try this for three weeks. If we don't see any improvement, we...).
On-the-Spot Management Techniques
- Intervene immediately to stop behavior that is unsafe or destructive. When children are fighting with others or destroying classroom materials., adults must immediately take action. If children are hitting one another, it may be necessary to physically separate them to calm them down. Intervening immediately sends a clear message that it is not all right to hurt other or destroy materials.
- Use language to identify children's feelings and concerns. "Katie, I can see it upsets you when you wan to use all the blocks an other children want to use them to." Sometimes a simple acknowledgement of a child's feelings is all that is needed to move him or her toward a resolution of a problem.
- Ask children to put their own feeling and desires into words. After calming children involved in a physical conflict, adults should encourage them to verbalize their concerns: "Keith, tell Bob it makes you angry when he knocks over your blocks."
- Ask children to think of their own solutions to a perceived problem. "Christopher I can tell you're excited about these small-group-time materials. Since clean-up time is very close, let's think of a way you can use them tomorrow."
- Give children choices only when they are truly options. Saying to a child "in five minutes it will be time to cleanup O.K.?" leaves you wide open for her to reply, "No, I'm not done playing yet." Instead be clear in your expectations: "In five minutes, clean-up time will start so that we can get ready for recall time."
- Avoid language that passes judgment on a child. Telling Jessica, "It's not nice to cut the doll's hair. I can't trust you with the scissors" does not help her see what things she can cut, and can lower her self-esteem
- When you stop behavior that is unacceptable, explain the reasons to children. In the previous example, you can instead say, "Jessica, I can see you wan to cut. The doll's hair is not a choice for cutting because it won't grow back and tomorrow no one will be able to comb it. Let's look together in the art area for things you can cut."
- Before stepping into a situation, decide if children can settle things without your help. As children mature developmentally and gain more experience in resolving conflicts, they will begin to find their own solutions to problems. A recent example from our demonstration classroom occurred when two children were fighting over a purse. Another child stood in between them, put her hands on each of their shoulders and said, let me help you solve this problem."
Using the above strategies patiently and persistently will create a climate in which children develop inner controls and learn to approach conflicts with others with a problem-solving orientation. Having such a clearly defined framework for child management also helps teachers and caregivers gain distance and a sense of control as they handle conflict and disruption.
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