Concise Advice 2 :Year Old Bed Time
Dr. Susan, My friend’s 2-year-old daughter is not happy when it comes time to go to bed. She throws tantrums and hollers at the top of her lungs, basically makes it worse on herself then needs be. My friends are struggling for a solution. Is there any advice I could give them that could help?
Thanks, Jeff
Dear Jeff:
Two-year-olds are moving from infancy (sleeping in crib) to a bigger environment (sleeping in a bed – their own bed, so everyone gets rest). Two-year-olds demand their independence in predictable ways. They say “no,” they refuse, they scream and have tantrums in order to test their parents and caregivers’ reaction to their desire for “doing it myself.” Adults who work with young two-year-olds are patient with the whole “no” process.
They say “Please say yes, instead.” They have a lengthy but firm bedtime routine which can start with dinner (two-year-olds need to eat with others, to learn to imitate good eating habits” and end with a story in their room, calm darkened and suggestive of the “point,” which is to go to bed. Parents can say, “When we get to your room, pick a story, we’ll read it and then lights out.” Toddlers need structure, and encouragement and a firm attitude on the part of adults. “It’s time to sleep” or “We know you like to have us in your room, but you are now going to sleep” and “We are going to our room.” Toddlers like to know where everyone is located. They feel secure with a blanket or a pacifier at bedtime. They don’t need water or music or someone lying with them. Those are the attention – maintenance issues that can cause delays. Toddlers need 12 hours of rest a night, and some need 14. Many two-year-olds also need to nap during the day. At the very least, they need to rest (alone) with stuffed animals or cardboard books quietly two hours during the day time. Toddlers should not get adapted to more than 30 minutes of TV a day. They need to model and imitate adults, be social, and pretend play with toys, so they can expand their boundaries and learn how to act and adapt to new experiences.
TV teaches toddlers none of these skills. No TV in the evening because it should only be a consequence of having nothing else to do. Bedtime is busy. There is lots to do, so let t hem enjoy the routine and get used to reading and labeling, talking and learning.
Dr. Susan