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The Three Hoods - Childhood - Parents as Teachers
Welcome to the Good Information Child Development Series of commentary and a special soon-to-be-on-line text book by Dr. Susan H. Turben. The name of the text/commentary series is THE THREE HOODS: Neighborhood, Parenthood, and Childhood.
Infant Thinking Examples of Thought
Learning from the Sidelines- Children Without Roots but with Talents and No Time
Parent and Children Need Visual Motor Skills
Designer Babies Are On The Way
Parents as Teachers of older children
Parenting tips for older children based on knowledge of child development in the early years. "Real" families who want to help their kids learn to love school and be successful as students in school share their interviews with Susan Turben.
Successful, healthy parents know they are teachers of their children
Parents need to talk to their kids about everything from values and rules to world events and what they believe as a family. Did you know that children incorporate the values and beliefs of their children from the time they are mere toddlers, even as infants? Susan interviewed dozens of families for this book, and they all agree on a few facts: A hundred parents have a hundred different ideas, so the interviews will give you, the reader, various points of view then, you decide!
It is puzzling to most families that some kids love school and others hate it. Why? What are the reasons some families and schools turn children on to education, while others turn them off? A dad from Buffalo, New York says that kids who most enjoy going to school, are the ones who are taught as they are toddlers that their parents are "in charge"- that adults are responsible for providing children with "daily doses of information."
Parents who think of themselves as teachers take their children places that are interesting, but free of charge and neighborhood accessible, like museums, science centers, etc. They talk to their children about specific concrete and everyday experiences and ideas, and allow them to talk back in a conversational way, and feel important when they, as children, are asking questions.
Parents who view their role as teachers of their children are quick to get to know people in the community. They use the resources of the community frequently, such as events at the community college. These parents are not afraid to set rules and boundaries and focus on good behavior when their children are two and three years of age. They compliment their kids on good days and write off the bad days!
A mom from Indiana sets the stage for valuing the school in her town, by taking the kids there as four year-olds, so that by kindergarten age, her kids accept that school is for everyone, and it is fun and enjoyable. Mostly, this mom relies on the idea that preschoolers need friendships. She spends a lot of time incurring that her children have the chance to have kids over, even if they sometimes fight and get on her nerves.
A dad who travels, says parents have the responsibility to find partners in the educational process in their town near Chicago. He says," In all communities around this country, there are schools where the teaching is spectacular and the school has set its standards high. Teachers are trained to respect and value parents. I go and get ideas of how to discipline my kids from watching these teachers handle twenty-five kids. It's a great way to learn, even though my kids don't go to that school."
He (his name is Jeff) goes on to say, "The purpose of education is to serve families in that community. The school building is sturdy, not fancy, but administrators and teachers promote parents as the most important teachers their children will ever have. These schools place value on parent responsibility."
Susan also interviewed over-scheduled and stressed families who want the schools to take on more responsibility because "the teachers have the training." Grandparents who are raising their children's children do not agree. One told Susan, "Why should the schools even think about doing my job?"
Susan found, however, the trend is toward a generation of parents who are self-absorbed by adult activities of daily living. They are not inclined to instruct their children on the family traditions and values that matter to them. Family life is not the top priority. The research proves that many parents hated school, and will admit that their kids are taking after them- learning that school is not the fun or important place to be. They reject the reality that school is every kid's "job."
When Susan asked families to share their best ideas about parents as the most important teachers of their children, here's what they had to say: "Children need to feel secure at school and be able to trust their teachers.
One father said that parents should write notes and call the teacher at home whenever they feel like it. "Why not?" he said, go ahead and volunteer once in a while, even if you're working. It wouldn't kill anybody to give up a handball games to tutor some friend of your kid's on a Saturday morning. Every family has a different life style, which, according to one mom, needs to be understood by the teacher. Tell the teacher any or all the facts about your family, and get to be friends with the teacher. "Buttering up the teacher early in the year is a good idea."
Teach yourself, says one California mom, to have conversations, not pity parties, when your child is asked to redo homework or other tasks. Don't excuse your kids. Back up the teacher. When parents feel wronged or angry, nobody gets his way or solves her problem. Susan interviewed a number of moms and dads who always make it a point to get a copy of their school curriculum. They study what academics are required, then they check work daily, but they do not do the work for the child-ever!
Teach children, the same mom told Susan, how to use references on the web, in the library, and make sure your child knows that he or she is expected to find facts on his own. It is the parents responsibility to teach children how to ask for help from a grandparent or neighbor, a more experienced student, or your friendly librarian-that's what more skilled adults are for! "Librarians today are diagnostic and research experts," she told Susan, and then went on to say:
"All children need to feel secure and know where to turn for help. It is not a hard job for parents unless they are afraid of their own children. Some parents are absent from the household so much of the time they are literally letting their children raise themselves and do what they want- even young three and four year-olds can act as if the household is under their control. The household must always be under the control of adults. No exceptions! Parents need to be in charge."
Susan's interviews revealed that parents alternately think of their children as miniature adults, possessions, prizes, perfect angels or tyrants. Their expectations do not match the age and stage of their children. Her advice is that parents view children as competent young children and youth, so it's a parental responsibility to model and demonstrate the way to live in a civil society and engage in civil discourse.
Parents are responsible, not the schools, for building character and culture into the lives of their children. Here are some quotes from the families Susan talked to:” I think it’s important for a father and a mother always be there for the kids. I think that’s the best way. My father he had no problem with me because he was always with me.” This is a father from Cuba talking.
“I think parents are the most important teachers for their children. They know there children better than anyone else. They know what their own children need.” This is a mom from Guatemala, who works as a construction worker for the city of Cleveland, Ohio
“Well I think many parents don't have faith in their own beliefs, whether it's values or whether it's just their own ability to take on that task in a small way.” This is a preschool teacher from the suburbs
“the hardest part of being a parent is to educate my child, because they see lot of things outside on the street I don’t want them to see. There's a lot of things you cannot explain to a child because you are not gonna come to a child and say things that could damage their mind. Then they gonna do the same things outside. You have to learn how to talk to your kids and for me it's hard sometimes because I got a type of child that whose mind is way over the top.” This mother lives in a drug-infested area of an inner city corridor. Susan also asked, "What do you think is the easiest part of being a parent?
“Loving my children, affection, talking to them, playing right with them getting down and playing right with them.” A mom with a serious mental illness said that.
“It is a parent's responsibility to educate their children from the time they come home from the hospital. None of my kids came with an instruction booklet. I have to figure out what it is they need. But I had never expected someone else to come in and tell me.” This dad is a business analyst.
Would you, the reader, agree that parents are teachers from the moment of their child's birth? Children don't come with a set of instructions, but neither do parents! Most families tend to raise their children the way they were raised. Susan's parent interviews show many parents do not want to repeat another generation's mistakes.
Should we consider parents to be "qualified" if they just use good old fashioned common sense? Parents tell Susan "yes" only if they also are willing to ask for help, to go to more experienced people, and be willing to learn how children grow and develop.
Parents may not have a certificate or a license, but every parent was an infant once. And as products of one's own infancy, parents can remember what it felt like to be a young child. These remembrances hugely influence parenting styles.
Knowledge is a powerful tool, according to parent's interviews, especially about infancy and early childhood, when our own memories may be hazy. For example, infants need prompt attention-they can't wait. If infants get prompt attention when they cry, they will cry less and communicate their needs in other more positive, less noisy ways.
Crying is talking, after all. But there are many ways to relax and calm a crying baby. One way is to cross the infant’s arms over the chest and let him or her feel their own bodies cuddled and held loosely by a loving parent or caregiver. Rocking and singing are effective, but restrict swinging a baby to times when he or she is content, so internal tension and inner stress are not increased inadvertently.
Did you know that babies are born with ocular muscles and optic receptors that allow the infant to see from the vantage point of her parent's arms? Infants acquire their mobility and developmental direction from the head downwards: head control, then neck control, then trunk control- top to bottom head to toe- and finally the four extremities.
A Short Course in Early Development: Ages and Stages
Babies are not just born; they are developing bodies and growing brains becoming a person, who is born into the human family! For nine months, each little unborn person is in constant motion, learning what discomfort and pure comfort feel like, listening to sounds, even making squeaks and hiccupping, gaining weight and height. Then life outside the womb begins!
"Parenthood" is just a word until that moment, and there is no question that then or later, parents are far from knowledgeable about growth or early development. They have more important things to do, like figuring out how to welcome and fall in love with that new baby in the house! Let Susan help. She knows that the more information parents can learn, and the more questions that are answered, the greater the chance that this infant will feel love, security and trust, and thus become successful learners!
Think as I am drawing about the fact that babies and very young children actually think. They think through experiencing activities through their senses. Babies are born already knowing how to use their senses to learn about people, places and objects that interest them. All this activity and energy is supported by sleep, nutrition and secure surroundings. Babies repeat actions that are pleasurable and they avoid or block out discomfort. Babies maintain a state of physical well-being and mental development by looking, sucking, moving, tasting, feeling and listening. Babies are dependent on exercise and good nutrition.
Infants spend most of their time during the first year of life in the flexed position. See? The baby's legs are bent, but also extend, his arms are down, but bend at the elbow. This is the position of infancy, allowing babies to stretch and bend, push and pull, twist and cry, because new babies come with a set of reflexes, with which to survive.
Babies survive by using both sides of their bodies and two hemispheres of their brains; then, doing what comes naturally! The infant body and brain plan every move, every thought. They work together, play together, and give strength to each other, like peanut butter and jelly or ice cream and cake. Think of every infant's body and brain as a never-ending, most incredible merger. Think of famous and brilliant bodies and brains that work together; for example, Einstein, Galileo, Frank Lloyd Wright, or Gandhi.
Then, if you admire these people, remember that every baby is born with exactly the same apparatus. The combination of body and brain takes in zillions of experiences, quadrillions of actions and zooms in and out, remembering every infinitesimal zot of knowledge. What sensory knowledge goes into brains, and what experiences and activity comes out of bodies? Well, if you can figure it out, there is a Nobel Prize with your name on it waiting for you!
Prospective infant studies demonstrate that the human infant partially, if not primarily, determines his own course of development, depending on personality, genetics, environment and constitutional factors we can't even begin to list. Babies listen and look, and out of that tiny body comes eye blinks, stares, babbling and art work. Infants change position constantly, drink milk and eat cheerios, and out comes a talent for writing dramatic plays. Maybe baby giggles or baby tears make infants learn to become more tolerant, kind, or mean and nasty. It is a wonderful, incredible mystery, called child development.
What research does show is that is infants seem to produce their own development, but that outside experiences and human beings attached to infants need to provide direct experiences, language and communication, and high energy stimulation. Enriched brains and bodies require contact with sensory information and knowledge, including social and emotional ties to people.
Infants need to be nurtured and stimulated by people who provide interesting objects for babies to see; if that occurs, the result is good persistence and visual attention. If infants are exposed to stimulating sources of things to hear and see at the same time, infants will in fact wait for auditory cues and start to coo and babble, developing their language skills. Infants have skin hunger as well as a hunger and thirst for food and liquids.
When comfortable and gently handled by parents, babies and children of all ages are quick to demonstrate motor skills by kicking, reaching, cuddling, and grasping. Crawling, standing, walking and talking are all physical outcomes that occur, not because adults teach them to walk, but because they are self-motivated to take advantage of those opportunities.
It is true that the more infants have opportunity to move, the more they change position and perform symmetrical movements. These actions increase children's self-assurance and social competence. Movement and thinking go together, another example of the body and brain working together to learn.
This is a very short course on early development and knowledge of how children think during the early developmental ages of life.
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