Professional Development
Workshops/How To Work With Families » Foster Parent Training - Options For Youth
Easing A Child’s Adjustment to Your Home
Job and Family Services - Foster Family Training
The ABC’s of Positive Parenting for Foster Parents
Regardless of how enthusiastic and welcoming you are toward a new foster child, that child will feel awkward and ill-at-ease when he or she first arrives. Below are some useful ways to help the child adjust to your home. These guidelines are based on the following principles:
- Familiarize the child with your world and minimize surprises in order to reduce uncertainty and anxiety the child feels in the new setting.
- Enable the child to make choices whenever practical to give him/her a sense of control in an otherwise strange and intimidating environment.
- Tell and show the child clearly what pleases you so he/she may quickly learn the ropes of earning approval and recognition in your home.
The suggestions below are organized in the form of a checklist to help you keep track of the plan and arrangements you make to ease your new foster child’s adjustment to your home.
Done (x) Strategy
1. Inform the child as to what to call you and other family members; learn what the child prefers being
called…
2. Go over with the child how to explain the neighborhood peers why he is living in your home…
3. When the child first arrives, give him/her a tour of the house. Explain where to put clothes, use of
the bathroom, what space is his/her personal and private space…
4. Explain the family routine in detail from morning to bedtime…
5. Explain household rules and chores; involve child in assigning chores he/she may be most
interested/willing to do…
6. Establish a night-time ritual (e.g., bath, story, commenting on positive things that happened during
the day, etc.). The nature of the ritual will vary depending on the age and disposition of the child…
7. Prepare extended family members and neighbors for the child’s arrival – though not giving out any
confidential information…
8. Check your house for pictures of your family or other items that do not include the child and which
may make him feel like an outsider. Include a picture of the child his/her artwork, etc. among
these pieces of “familyness”
9. Keep a scrapbook or journal of the child’s experiences, artwork, achievements…
10. Prepare the child for any new experiences that may make him/her feel
awkward (e.g., visiting relatives, going shopping, family outings, etc.) by
explaining beforehand:
a. Where are you going
b. Who child will meet – describe briefly
c. How long you will be gone
d. What you will be doing
11. If in doubt as to whether the child knows how to do something, assume he/she doesn’t and teach
him/her (e.g., making the bed)…
12. Look for the child’s strengths, skills, and interests…
13. Observe closely what the child does and says in various situations, what he/she does with free
time, in order to identify possible reinforcers…
14. Maintain a very high rate of praise of the child at all times…
15. Be consistent: Say What you Mean and Mean What you Say. Follow through on agreements,
offers, promises you make…
16. Beware of making early strong commitments to the child…
17. Avoid ultimatums
18. Avoid being drawn into a deep involvement in discussion of the child’s past…
19. Avoid criticism of his/her birth family. It is better to be as positive and supportive as possible.
20. Make plans with your Program Manager to support visits and communication between the child
and his/her birth parents/siblings
