Nineteen Month Old Cries Around Father
Dear Dr. Susan:
My daughter is 19 months old. She is a happy, extremely outgoing child. Loves to be around people. Major problem. Since she was little she has always cried when she is with her father whether he changes her clothes, feeds her etc. When she is with my parents or myself or strangers she hardly every cries. It is very frustrating for me because I listen to her cry for no reason but he stays away so he can try overcoming this problem with her. But it continues. My husband doesn’t want to admit it is a problem but it is because he doesn’t spend much time with her and I think it is because she cries with him. Please help.
Caryn
Dear Caryn:
Thank you for writing into my website.
19 month olds are just beginning to recognize themselves in the mirror, instead of just thinking the mirror image is another “baby”. If you realize she is in this stage of toddlerhood, you can see why people whom she sees and interacts with constantly will become her favorite people. She is showing her very strong attachment to you and even people she is curious about. She has decided to cry and tantrum with her father, so he will be more like her other favorite people. Just ask him to “play“ with her, side by side, and to act as a playmate and an entertainer would act. Ask him to be silly, make her laugh, and be a person to whom she becomes attached because he plays games and sings her songs rather than doing routine things. He can make a game of feeding and changing her. He needs to win her over! It is not a big problem, it happens to a lot of Dad‘s at your daughter’s age, when one parent doesn’t spend the same amount of time as the other one. He probably feels a bit put out by her behavior, instead he should tell her “Daddy’s here to love you, to play and to make you laugh”. This stage will pass very fast if he just plays!!!
Thanks again,
Susan Turben, Ph.D.
