Three Year Old Boundaries
Dear Dr. Susan:
Could you please send tips on teaching a 3 year old child the dangers of running away from Mom (sometimes into the street).
Thank you, Rachel
Dear Rachel:
Three year olds are so in need of parents who know how to limit a child’s use of space, objects and how to set boundaries. They are so capable and smart, on one hand they want to do it their way and on the other, they need to have a responsible adult be in charge, and that would be you!
Children three years old thrive on praise, helping, talking, and doing just about anything to get attention. They don’t even care if its negative attention they just want ATTENTION. They are so smart that they even try to run away and hide, refuse to take medicine, throw things, have temper tantrums, and say “I hate you”.
The language of three year olds is full of general knowledge, but no specific language. Children need parents to spell out the specifics for them. State family rules for your child and don’t change your mind. Say, for example, ”We stay on the driveway”, or “Balls can only be rolled along the street”, so they stay safe. If the rule gets broken, just state the rule, remove the ball, and go back in the house. Tell your child the rule was broken and that we have to go inside, where you will not break the rule. If the boundary is too big, and the child cannot handle it, like at the mall, just put the child in the cart, wagon, or stroller and leave the area. State the rule-say: “The rule is broken so we have to leave”.
Notice you’re blaming the rule not the child, and you are making it clear that you are in charge. Three year olds do not set bedtime, mealtime, school time, or schedules. They have their play and think free time along with these structured parts of the day. They should not be over-scheduled or they will crash and burn, literally. They need time to cuddle with you, to talk about each day and what needs to be made better. End the day with books, and music, not TV or roughhousing. Recap the day in a safe secure place. You need to offer many reminders everyday about the same old rules. Everyday the boundaries and limits change, but the child can not learn without rules and boundaries, have fun!
Thank you again,
Susan H. Turben, Ph.D.
