Preschool’s approach to Dealing With Difficult Situations and Difficult Children
Some Help for Teachers and Parents too!
The Story of One Preschool’s approach to Dealing With Difficult Situations and Difficult Children
Introduction:
Many teaching adults find themselves spending much of their time dealing with the problems created by one or two difficult children. The following is the story of how one preschool handles these situations. While every child is unique, our experience suggests a general process for teachers facing similar problems.
Jeremy (the name is fictitious) was 3 ½ when he entered preschool. Teachers noticed that when he could not have exactly what he wanted, he reacted violently: biting, kicking, screaming, swear words, throwing things, and occasionally making a mad dash out of our classroom space. These outbursts, which occurred once or twice each morning, were so severe and disruptive that it often took 10 – 45 minutes of staff member’s time to calm Jeremy down.
Part One:
Here are the strategies developed for dealing with Jeremy:
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The teachers took turns being the adult who stopped the problem behaviors when they occurred – spreading this difficult task around helped staff to be more patient.
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Even though the teachers wanted Jeremy to develop inner controls, usually it was necessary to physically supply the control that Jeremy lacked. For example, staff would separate Jeremy from the person being bitten or the object being thrown. As the teachers held him, they would calmly and patiently explain that no one was permitted to do what he was doing, labeling the feelings that he was feeling.
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The teachers tried to avoid sending mixed messages. For example, if the teacher spoke in a calm voice but her body was tense as she held him, Jeremy might not feel that she was confident that he could control his behavior.
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The teachers made an effort to spend time with Jeremy during the good times, playing next to him or describing the positive reactions he was getting from other children. “When you built together with Sally today, the house you made was big enough to fit three people inside.”
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The teachers recorded “quick” observations of Jeremy daily. The teachers looked for “triggers” – such factors such as diet, time of day, or schedule changes which aggravates his outbursts.
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The teachers used the daily routine as a curriculum for helping Jeremy control his behavior. If he refused to do something that the group was doing (such as clean up) staff reminded him of choices he could make at other times. “It’s time for you to clean up and get your jacket on, but when we get outside, you can play do what you want.”
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The teachers found for ways for Jeremy to take responsibility for making life in the classroom difficult. For example, when he pulled the arms off a doll. The teachers strongly urged and helped him find a way to repair it before he chose another activity.
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The teachers met informally with Jeremy’s parents. His parents felt criticized when staff reported problem behaviors, even though staff also tried to balance these reports with positive comments. After a number of calls and meetings, however, they came to realize that staff was not judging Jeremy, just his activities, at certain times.
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The teachers set time limits (for example, “We’ll try this for three weeks. If we don’t see any improvement, we will …).
Part Two:
“On-the-Spot” Teaching Techniques
Listed next are some on-the-spot techniques to handle common management problems.
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Intervene immediately to stop behavior that is unsafe or destructive. When children are fighting with others or destroying classroom materials, adults must immediately take action. If children are hitting one another, physically separate them to calm them down.
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Use language to identify children’s feelings and concerns. “Pia, I can see it upsets you when you want to use all the blocks and other children want to use them too.” Sometimes a simple acknowledgment of a child’s feelings is all that is sometimes needed to move him away from a problem.
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Help children to put their own feelings and desires into words. After calming children involved in a physical conflict, adults should encourage them to verbalize their concerns: “Keith, tell Bob it makes you angry when he knocks over your blocks.”
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Give children choices only when they are truly options. Saying to a child “In five minutes it will be time to clean-up, O.K.?” leaves you wide open for her to reply, “No, I’m not done playing yet.” Instead, be clear in your expectations: “In five minutes, clean-up time will start so that we can get ready for recall time.”
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Avoid language that passes judgment on a child. Avoid phrases like, “It’s not nice to cut the doll’s hair. I can’t trust you with the scissors” does not help her see what things she can cut, and which are not allowed.”
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When you stop behavior that is unacceptable, quickly give a reason and also a command like “stop.” In the previous example, say, “Jessica, I can see you want to cut. The doll’s hair is not a choice for cutting because it won’t grow back. Let’s look in the art area for some things you can cut.”
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Before stepping into a situation, decide if children can settle things without your help. As children mature developmentally and gain more experience in resolving conflicts, they will begin to find their own solutions to problems.
Part Three:
Here is an example of “action” words and “actions” to use in certain situations. Think about this strategy. Do you like it?
Teacher: Alicia, you look very sad.
Alicia: I want to work on the computer again.
Teacher: You could ask Katie if you can work with her.
Alicia to Katie: Can I do the computer with you?
Katie: No!
Teacher to Alicia: It looks to me like you’re not going to have a turn on the computer now. What else could you do?
Alicia: Read a book with you.
The teacher and Alicia read together in the quiet area. Then the teacher says to Alicia: Tomorrow, at play time, I’ll ask Katie and Alicia if you might want to decide ahead of time how to work together at the computer.
