Four Year Old Tries to Make Her Own Rules
Dear Dr. Susan:
We have a soon to be 4 year old who thinks she can do everything mom does. She is getting into things like lotions and the like, and putting them in her bath with her. She is also trying to make her own decision about almost everything from bed time to not picking up after herself. She is telling us no almost all the time, we are running out of ways to get this solved, please help.
Angela
Dear Angela,
Thank you for visiting my website and for writing me. You described a 4 year-old very well, at last a female 4 year-old. They are bossy, negative when they are not in charge and demanding. They model exactly what they see and hear. They imitate all of the ways adults interact with them. So remember you are in charge. Talk about single family rules and have a family meeting to discuss the rules and practice exactly what you mean. Family discussions and conversations are the only tools you have to impress children because they are so eager for attention, they will either be good or bad to get it. 4 year-olds don’t mind getting negative attention, but you should focus on her being good, not the other stuff. Ignore her pleas to do it her way and simply state the rule “we pick up our clothes before bed,” or “we ask permission to use mommy’s bath oil”. Keep the focus on her helpfulness and her eagerness to be a real part of running the family. Let her help, let her be involved, but insist she remember that adults are “in charge”. Please write again soon for more tips! Let me know if these work well for you.
Thanks again for writing.
Dr. Susan H. Turben
