Child Lost Mother At Age Six
Dear Dr. Susan:
My stepdaughter lost her mother at the age of 6, she will be 10 in August. We have gotten her some professional help to deal with her loss. She seems fine and the therapist agreed she is a well rounded kid. She has a great many friends she’s involved in choir, softball, gymnastics, etc. Her problem is when it comes to school work she is lazy and she lies about the silliest things. She will not tell me or my husband if she gets a bad grade, even though she knows we would be mad but it’s not like we beat her!! My husband and I are hurt that she chooses to lie to us instead of just admitting to the failed grade. Please advise. Thanks.
Marissa
Dear Marissa:
Think about how children think. By the age of 10, kids are protective of their own thinking. They believe you are tuned into their every move, and that you are all-knowing, that you can even read their mind, but they are also just becoming aware that you can’t read their mind. It is time when they need to be very social, but also have firm rules which allow them to develop academic interests and personal talents. If your child is good at something, get really involved with it and boost her morale that way, while still having to set guidelines, like one overnight every 20 weeks, homework between 5-6, only one weekend sports activity, etc. Be sure she has free time at home to enjoy playing games and doing activities with you, as a necessary part of family life. Don’t treat her as if she’s 12 or 14, even if she starts to act as a preadolescent will, saying how dumb your ideas with her are, etc. use your sense of humor and do tons of talking. “Conversations” are wonderful to establish as a way of talking.
Sincerely,
Susan H. Turben, Ph.D.
