Six Year Old Phobias
Dear Dr. Susan:
My son is 6 years old and is deathly afraid of doors being closed. He will not get into an elevator, allow the door to be shut when using the bathroom. It is very hard to get him to use the restroom in public places because I have to hold the outside door open and then he will keep the stall door open as well. I can’t seem to get to the root of the problem I know he is afraid of being locked in, however nothing I say or do will reassure him that that will not happen. Next year when he is in Kindergarten, they had a small bathroom in the room. I know that he will NOT use the restroom if he has to close the door. What do I do??? How do I convince him that he will not be locked inside?
Thank you for your help in this matter. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Rhonda
Dear Rhonda:
Thank you for writing. You are correct to be concerned with this situation and I sympathize! One of my three children had the fear you describe in kindergarten and throughout his early school years, and still suffers from very generally annoying claustrophobia at age 45! As a child, he was in no way reassured by my words of comfort, just as your son is not! With professional guidance, I learned how to turn the problem over to him, instead of handling it for him! As he was also entering kindergarten, I realized that self-control and self-assurance were the only skills that would allow him to stay calm and solve the problem. I worked closely with his teacher! It is an approach that works if you work it!
Your job is to help your son most easily resolve his fears by taking each situation, one-by-one, as it comes. Start today! First, find a time in private to have daily short conversations about how smart he is and how much you trust him to figure out creative solutions at home and at school. Second, inform him that there are games to play that help him handle his fear of closed doors, and third tell him you will play and practice every day and his teacher will know the game too!
Then, every day at home, play the “closed door game!” Have contests; prizes, rewards and fun consequences for best ideas each day! Write down good ideas and keep for reference in a notebook! His “closed door” notebook! Be sure he believes you that you are always good for more and more ideas of what to do when he sees a closed door. Expose him to serious ideas, silly ones, grownup ideas, and child-like ideas etc.
His teacher will want to be aware now about his fear and the “game of the closed door, do not do this by email or on the phone, but take your son, go to school and discuss that the two of you play the “closed door game’ every day and that you practice, and practice hard, how to solve the problem. Use dolls, action figures, power rangers, GI boy dolls and any miniature figures or even animals he has around! This type of dramatic play best addresses phobia and traumatic behavior related to fear. If he does not improve significantly (not just a little) in the three weeks time period prior to the opening of school, ask your pediatrician to refer you to a psychologist trained in childhood trauma and phobias. You will be amazed what you can do on your own but never be shy about seeking professional expertise and be sure the teacher and you both know exactly how you are turning the problem over to him one step at a time.
Susan H. Turben, Ph.D.
